Guvnuh Mojo and the Divine Right of Media


The king will do whatever he pleases. (Ecclesiastes 8-2-3)

Here in the Fiefdom of New Jersey, we don’t have the divine right of kings ruling over us anymore. We’ve got something better.

It’s called guvnuh mojo.

In this case, our esteemed Governor Chris Christie (who by some estimations, could actually the last of the Plantagenet kings), held a presser on education in the South of the province. The event was crudely disrupted by a young usurper, who got into a debate with Christie that turned a bit rancorous, to the point that the authorities had to be called in to lead the rabble rouser out. The governor later vented to his adoring audience, “Damn, man, I’m governor, could you just shut up for a second?”

Our intel has it that the young usurper was later taken to the Tower of Trenton and is awaiting death by decapitation, at the behest of the governor.

Of course, in some climes, the divine right of kings doesn’t have to be claimed by the magistrate himself. In Mother Russia, the priest claims it for the prince, as in Patriarch Kirill saying that President Vladimir Putin is a evidence of God’s miraculous power. I actually don’t entirely disbelieve this. If you compare Russia now with Russia under Yeltsin or under Brezhnev, Kruschev, or Stalin, Patriarch Kirill is not far from the truth.

In the U.S., there is no church to declare your divine right, and there are no Chris Christies but Chris Christie. So for our national prince, the media really has to be serve as the national church. And you can definitely say that Obama received his canonization from the press back in 2008 when it helped him get elected president with virtually no experience.

I remember then, after the vote, some church friends confused the media with the bible. They quoted Romans 13, “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God” as proof of Obama’s victory in the 2008 election was ordained by God.

I actually thought it was more of a eight years of Bush, a tanking economy, and piss-poor choice of McCain as the GOP candidate that got the guy elected. And oh yeah — the divine right of media helped too.

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About Pete Mladineo


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